A Weekend Without Music

Saturday, March 2, 2019

I’ve been feeling like writing all day, and now that I’m in front of the screen, I don’t want to write anymore. 

This weekend, my goal was to try to better listen to myself. (My most recent lesson on not listening to myself came from a tiredness that wasn’t normal. I’d stop listening to the thoughts that said I don’t want to do this or that.)

To better listen to my inner voice, I decided that I wouldn’t listen to music, wouldn’t drink coffee, and would be away from the internet as much as possible. And so far the one goal that I’ve been able to keep the most is not listening to music. 

I have been mad about my need for music. I wonder why I desperately need to have music at certain moments. When I was reading a nonfiction book earlier, taking a nap, and driving, I felt this need for music. 

Would I say that I have achieved the goal of being able to better listen to myself? I don’t know for sure. I want to see what day two without music brings me. 

This weekend, I also decided to do a handful of things that felt out of my comfort zone. I’m challenging myself to do them because I’ve been feeling a need to change my lifestyle, so I guess this means I’m trying to change my habits. 

I went to eat breakfast at a coworker’s church. I went to the library by myself. For some people these are normal things to do. For me, each brings with it its own challenge like meeting new people and being by myself.

The day isn’t over yet, and I’ve managed to read a couple of chapters from a book that I got at the library. I don’t think I would have been able to do this had I let myself spend more time on the internet. 

A thought caught my attention earlier. I’m tired of thinking. I think it means that I’m tired of overthinking or obsessing with certain thoughts. 

On Wednesday, a journaling session brought me to the word love, a word I often find myself unable to understand. In a child-like manner, I wrote love is big. I’m still trying to understand what this line means to me.