On Surrendering

I forgot how time-consuming job applications can be. (If you’re wondering why I haven’t been posting, that’s what I’ve been doing in my free time.) My dream is to “start my life” out of state, as if I wasn’t already living my life here. I know I want to take root somewhere, and it’s not in the city where I live.

I’m learning to accept what’s out of my control, since I won’t know for sure if I’ll be moving until I get a job offer. Not knowing what the future holds for me makes me feel uncomfortable because I can’t start planning.

Because I can’t predict the future, I’m coming to terms with the possibility of not getting to move this year. I’m coming to terms with both plan A and plan B. On one hand lies a sense of adventure to discover a new city and the challenge of building a foundation for myself there. On the other hand lies familiarity.

My improved ability to live in the present moment is helping me surrender to the possible outcomes. From this new sense of presence, I’ve been able to step into the world without it (negatively) affecting me as it used to.

Surrendering to what I can’t control is allowing me to focus on peace with the future instead of worry about the future. I’m waiting for the calls for interviews and hopefully after that some call backs for job offers. Inside this waiting I’m finding acceptance for what will be.

Friday, March 29, 2019