If we were having coffee, what would you tell me? I would tell you that

When Grief made itself comfortable in a chair during dinner, I would’ve told you: Hope does not exist.

(Someone once told me that hope doesn’t exist. Because, according to them, it can’t be measured.) 

Do you believe in hope? The thing is, Hope has so many definitions. Someone else shared this quote with me: Hope has two beautiful daughters: their names are anger and courage. Anger that things are the way they are. Courage to make them the way they ought to be (this quote is by Saint Augustine).

All that time before the pandemic started, I thought I’d been as courageous as I’d ever been. You already know this: I moved to another state—470 miles away from the people I love the most (and who most love me). I did what my heart wanted me to do. 

It’s the type of thing I do when I run away from the things I don’t want to face. I don’t regret it. As a matter of fact, I’m sad my adventure ended so soon. Do you always do what your heart tells you to do?

You see, no matter how courageous I thought I was—doing things I’d never done before—I learned that the most courageous thing you can do is love someone with all their quirks.

A few months ago, I was angry—angry at the way things were. And sometimes I still am, but I’ll keep those details to myself. (It’s true that anger fuels you.) Have you heard of the stages of grief? Anger is one of them.

I prayed to God to help me with the grief, and I read a few chapters from the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (to keep me from thinking about the past—the days before the pandemic).

I cried my heart out (that always helps). I filled two journals in the span of (what was it?) the last 4 months because writing always helps, too. And look, I’m here. I feel a lot better than I did in April. 

All this while, when Grief made itself comfortable in a chair when I ate dinner, Hope was very there, too. Hope is always there during Spring when the grass turns green and the trees start filling up with leaves again.

(I thank God for the return of Hope and, also, for that family of mine who loves me even when I’m grumpy.)

How has this historic pandemic changed your life? Be honest—I don’t mind if you tell me that you’ve been experiencing quite the opposite. 

The reason I’m telling you this is because no how-to-cope-with-grief article would’ve helped me with the grief. I had to accept the loss and pain before I could move on.

I did read an article about grief, though, and I learned about another stage of grief: finding meaning. I’m currently in this stage. Although sometimes, I do still feel a bit of the other ones.

To find meaning, I had to believe in Hope again.

I could’ve written a how-to-cope-with-grief article without telling you my story, without telling you that the last few months have hurt like hell. (Look—here are my words to prove it.) Instead, I just want to have coffee and talk to you about the season of grief without the IG filter.

Your amiga,

Andrea

p.s. – Here’s another quote on hope I found: Hope is the virtue of a heart that doesn’t dwell on the past, and not only survives the present, but is also able to see a tomorrow (this quote is by Pope Francis). It’s one of my faves.

Why you should be grateful for your problems

You don’t feel grateful for the problem when it’s right in front of you. It’s later on in your life when you see its value. Sometimes we create unnecessary problems for ourselves. Then we come to find that there was no problem in the first place. It was all in our thinking and attitude about said problem.

Changing the way we see our problems makes a difference. This is when we give our challenges the chance to transform our lives and ourselves. The focus goes from the chaos or stress they bring to wisdom or perspective.

Our problems make us better problems solvers, help us build confidence, helps us build strength, and gives us perspective. What was once a major problem, later on, feels insignificant as we face more complex problems in our lives.

We’re all on our own different paths made up of so many different experiences, but one of the things that connects us all is that we all have problems. Our challenges lead us to very beautiful places. We experience things like peace, unity, acceptance, forgiveness, confidence, and trust as a result. Let’s learn to face our problems with grace and patience.

How to change your life

On one of the lowest days of my life, when I was surrounded by used tissues and all of the reasons for why my life didn’t have a purpose, I experienced something that has stopped me from falling that low again.

I realized that I was the one chaining myself to those days of hopelessness.

No one was there telling me, there’s no hope for you.

I was the one coming up with all of the excuses to continue being Miserable with a capital M.

That realization helped me understand that you have so much power to change your life story.

Reclaim your power

There’s a sense of powerlessness that exists when you feel trapped by your current reality.

Even though there are always going to be things that are out of your control, there are so many things that are in your hands.

Start by making the next best choice that takes you closer to the life that you truly want to live.

To live with more joy, to live with more hope, start by reclaiming your power. You have the power to choose, to act, to have a say.

Choose growth

There will always be something that will stop you from experiencing self growth: your ego, your failures, your mistakes, your past, your current circumstances.

When you don’t choose growth, you stay stuck, lessons repeat themselves, you experience frustration or unhappiness.

When you choose growth, you see situations through a new perspective. You gain wisdom. You gain freedom. You let go of fear, of limiting beliefs. You return back to a place of love that is without judgement, a place of compassion.

Try again

When a problem appears out of nowhere, when there are changes to adapt to, when nothing is working out, try again.

If you feel yourself coming up with excuses, remember the following quote:

The time is always right to do what is right.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Now is always the perfect time to try again, to come up with a solution, to pick yourself up, to adapt, to change.


When you believe in your power, when you keep wisdom in mind, and when you give yourself the opportunity to try again, life lightens and brightens. You become the key to your hope.