All posts filed under: Life Updates

you also have lots to tell me

One of the bazillion excuses that I came up with for not blogging is that I got switched grade level a quarter into the school year. I went from teaching middle school to high school, 11th-grade English to be more specific. Teaching a new grade level, especially one that I hadn’t taught before, was like reliving my 1st year of teaching because I had to prepare my lesson plans on a week-to-week basis again. This meant that I was working outside the work hours. This got better this semester, thankfully! The other bazillion excuses that I told myself for not writing for the blog were I’m not going to have time to blog consistently so why bother. (I had time to watch Netflix so I had time to update the blog.)  I’m not feeling mentally or emotionally well, so why blog. I’m tired af which was one of the few legit excuses. I’m alive as you can see. And I want to get back into the blog-writing habit. I feel like sharing so much given …

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that

I finally opened Ocean Vuong’s new book On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. It’d been waiting on the bookshelf to be read. The first lines did not disappoint. Vuong writes, Dear Ma, I am writing to reach you–even if each word I put down is one word further from where you are. What do those words mean to you? They made me a bit teary because as much as I love my mom, I sometimes feel that no matter how I explain myself, there are things that we’ll never be able to understand about each other. Sometimes the more we say, the more distance builds between us. If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve been reading the Bible more often. Reading it helps keep me peaceful and focused. Sometimes my thoughts try to convince me that this or that is the right way. The word of God makes its way back into my head. It keeps me from doing stupid selfish things. If we were having coffee, I would tell you that …

On Surrendering

I forgot how time-consuming job applications can be. (If you’re wondering why I haven’t been posting, that’s what I’ve been doing in my free time.) My dream is to “start my life” out of state, as if I wasn’t already living my life here. I know I want to take root somewhere, and it’s not in the city where I live. I’m learning to accept what’s out of my control, since I won’t know for sure if I’ll be moving until I get a job offer. Not knowing what the future holds for me makes me feel uncomfortable because I can’t start planning. Because I can’t predict the future, I’m coming to terms with the possibility of not getting to move this year. I’m coming to terms with both plan A and plan B. On one hand lies a sense of adventure to discover a new city and the challenge of building a foundation for myself there. On the other hand lies familiarity. My improved ability to live in the present moment is helping me …