All posts tagged: overthinking

A Weekend Without Music

Saturday, March 2, 2019 I’ve been feeling like writing all day, and now that I’m in front of the screen, I don’t want to write anymore.  This weekend, my goal was to try to better listen to myself. (My most recent lesson on not listening to myself came from a tiredness that wasn’t normal. I’d stop listening to the thoughts that said I don’t want to do this or that.) To better listen to my inner voice, I decided that I wouldn’t listen to music, wouldn’t drink coffee, and would be away from the internet as much as possible. And so far the one goal that I’ve been able to keep the most is not listening to music.  I have been mad about my need for music. I wonder why I desperately need to have music at certain moments. When I was reading a nonfiction book earlier, taking a nap, and driving, I felt this need for music.  Would I say that I have achieved the goal of being able to better listen to myself? …

My Struggle with Being Happy

More than a week ago, my cousin caught me thoughtful during a conversation. He asked, “What are you thinking about?” During that same week, when we were in an airport my mother commented that it looked like I was in another world. It doesn’t surprise me when people make these observations: I’m analytical, I’m an introvert, and sometimes I forget to not act so much like myself, so that people don’t make comments like these. But I can’t help it. My thoughtful quality is what sometimes gets in the way of my happiness. (I’m not saying one has to be happy all of the time.) In a three-hour phone conversation with my father the other day, I told him that I become so used to the suffering in my life that I’m became suspicious of the week or the month without a major problem. Today, I can say that there’s not a major thing that blocks me from feeling a daily joy and still I can’t accept that joy can be a normal feeling. Maybe …