Regrets of the dying & What’s the Perfect Writer Path?

On having a sinus infection

Life’s been feeling pretty weird lately. Despite the warm weather, I’ve been suffering from a sinus infection all week. Today, I took pseudoephedrine which I think is fixing my breathing problems. I’ve been breathing through my mouth, sneezing, and becoming a bit crabby because of my annoyance with being sick and feeling weak. I’ve also been using nasal rinses, nasal spray, and VaporRub. 

Life feels weird because I’m not supposed to feel this energy-depleted within these sunny days.

New Blogging Mindset

My blogging mindset has changed: I’m finding it easier to draft multiple posts in one sitting. That pressure, that looming deadline of posting four times a week is getting real. Sometimes I have no idea what to talk about. I’m finally seeing how blogging can feel like work.

I’m exploring the paths available for writers. I’m writing about topics that interest me. I’m challenging myself to do more creative writing. What’s helping me keep consistency on the blog is setting boundaries for the writer self of blogging. The writer self needs time off from the internet to actually write, to find inspiration, and jot down ideas. The process of writing for the blog is becoming more precious, thoughtful, and structured. (I have to admit that I sometimes feel like I could have written better and more detailed blog posts had I spent more time working on them without the deadline.)

The Passing of Time

Last weekend, I talked to dad and told him how time has been going by fast. The days blur. He was surprised to hear this from me. I think that it’s because I complain so much about my job: he probably thought I don’t enjoy it as much as I do. Life at work, the school year blur into one day of routine. It feels like just yesterday I was still learning the names of students.

As for my weekends, I think it’s best I try to spend them less online and more time on living my life. I forget that I have to power to make my life as interesting as the Youtubers I love. I’d also like to get back to reading and being disciplined with reading as this always seems to help me become a better writer even without me consciously applying a new writing strategy.

The routine of the 40-day work week is finally sinking in, and the time I spend outside of work is becoming more precious. I often wonder who and where I’ll be in five, ten, fifteen years. It’s clear to me that I might or might not live a long life, and I want to make the most of the time I have to live.

What’s the Perfect Writer Path?

I know that I want to keep writing, so I’m sticking to the blogging schedule. I still find it crazy to know that people actually take time out of their days to read my writing. And I’m continually inspired by all of the writers out there, especially the ones who make a living out of this passion.

In reflection, one of the things that I don’t like about being a writer is the loneliness of it. I think that’s one of the reason why being a full-time writer doesn’t keep my attention. However, I’m curious to learn how other writers form their writing careers while remaining active members of their communities and the world, passionate about the craft, but not isolated. Do you also have that stereotypical image of the writer as someone who spends a lot of time by themselves and has a tendency to become a recluse?

Regrets of the dying

I know that I can’t predict the future, but if someone were to ask me at my dying bed, what is your deepest regret? I think it would be not following the call to be a writer. And so, I want to keep writing and sharing my writing on the blog. I have hope that this will help me find a writing path that works for me.

April 19, 2019, Friday, Online Journal Entry